Hospital Phobia

I am so envious and inspired by people who choose to work in a hospital or regularly give blood. If I walk into a hospital, within 10 minutes, if there isn't a chair for me to sit down, my head starts spinning and sweating without end. It doesn't matter if I am going to visit a friend or going for some check-up, just being there makes me queasy.

I had my first mammogram yesterday. My family has a infamous history of breast cancer and other cancers, so I have been getting regular checks since I was 27. Until now, I had only gotten ultrasound examinations, which allowed me to avoid the painful smash and most importantly, let me lay down. This time, I had to stand for the mammography, and part way through, I felt my head start to sweat and head start to spin. The nurse let me sit down for a minute and throw my head between my legs to get some blood flowing back where it should. I tell you, though, all I could think of in the end was: what happens if I faint in the 3 seconds it takes to take the photo while my breast is clamped to the machine! I endured it and the results showed that I have happy, healthy breasts, but I spent the whole rest of the day half nauseous and dazed.

So, I give praise to my students who are now studying to become nurses or medical technicians. Honestly, the week I spend reading these young guys and girls' essays about why they want to work in the medical field is so uplifting. Their reasons range from personal medical tragedies or emergencies, heartbreaking or heartwarming stories of family struggles with illness, etc. They give me hope in the future when everywhere else we hear how young people are destroying our society and themselves. Choosing to spend their adult career in a hospital, half knowing what they are getting into, is so honorable and brave, I think.

Then I salute husband, who is a fanatic blood donater. He gives blood religiously once or twice a month, and brought home a 100th anniversary crystal cup last year from the clinic. He says that he has no righteous or charitable motivations that keep him going back...but that it has just become almost an addictive habit. Just hearing about the huge needles they use for his blood donations gets me half queasy!